Butterflies shadows-The unknown virus

I decided to post some of my previous butterflies. They are gone now, yet I'm different after releasing them form my chrysalides. Is nice to visit them form tine to time this is a piece I wrote last year (Dec2005-May2006)

The unknown virus


· Have you met some of the following symptoms in your life or someone else’s life?

-lack of joy and fulfillment
-loneliness that goes deeper and deeper, to the point where one may not need even itself
-Lack of energy
-Tiredness
-Lack of self worth
-Disregarding oneself for the sake of all the others
-Need for approval and recognition
-Shyness
-Constantly complaining about life, about unfairness of one’s situation (for self or others)
-Avoid looking in other people’s eyes
-Lack of trust in oneself and others
-Lack of trust in life
-Physical conditions associated with intestines, pelvic area,
Genitals neck and shoulders
-Nausea
-Fear of being stolen or abused
-Postponing joy in the now for a grander joy in the future
-Unwillingness to do the smallest thing for itself

Have you seen something that starts well and end up unexpectedly bad? Whether there is a relationship, a business, an idea, a life?

A new beginning that is fresh, full with new possibilities of joy and excitement, where everything that is involved seems to bring further joy and fulfillment. And very slow,
unnoticed, something begins to change, joy goes, expectations grew bigger and bigger, problems appear and solutions disappear…
What happened? Where did joy and excitement go?

What is that steal the joy and the sense of fulfillment and leaves emptiness instead?
And one may find himself in a closed situation, where there are no solutions, and the main feeling is of being trapped!
Have you felt that?
It could be about a person, a situation, government, or anything else.

Have you ever felt that you have been taken advantage off?
Doesn’t that feel as an abuse? As being tide up and abused?
Feels exactly as a sexual abuse. Not necessarily a physical one, more like a psychic one, that leaves you empty, in need for joy and hope, sending you to search for love, understanding and solutions outside of yourself, keeping the fulfillment in front of you but never in the now moment.
And it really is a sexual abuse that took on many other faces and disguises so it can be hardly recognized as such.

This is an illness.
It has made it’s way in many of us insidiously, and is growing every day, every generation, as is perpetuating transforming the victim in abuser and vice-versa.
Is much like a virus, that enters a being that is not complete onto itself- is the virus of Abused Sexual Energies (ASE). Is affecting so many of us, as we have our “base’ in others, not in ourselves. As the illness grow, one goes even more outside of self for satisfaction and joy, but never find it because is feeding the virus and not the self. The virus feed off joy and fulfillment leaving nothing but a sense of lack that perpetuate the hunt for satisfaction and validation outside. The virus ate joy, and left behind a need that perpetuate the story.

Almost all the institutions circulate and feed this virus for control, for this give power over those in need – the victims- stealing the joy and inducing fear, guilt, shame, responsibility, duty, work, worthiness or unworthiness—sounds familiar?
All these symptoms set the stage for certain life situations in which the most natural response is anger and bitterness.

You may say that you have a healthy sexual life, or you don’t have one at all, but if you really want to find “the cure” you may want to see things beyond the way they appear to be. Sexual energies are flowing all around, and many times in twisted, disguised way.




FIRST STEP would be to take a look at what sexual energies are.

Energies do not exist without movement. In this Universe movement take place between two opposed poles: a positive pole and a negative one. ANY energy is sexual in its nature, as is a movement between a masculine pole and a feminine pole, producing CREATIONS. That is the purpose of this movement: to create. Always!

What sustains this movement is the base for everything, as a huge potential field. We can name it love. Is sustaining everything, is everything that exist and much more, as a potential, as an INGREDIENT for the movement between poles.

So, any energy is a sexual energy moving in the field of love, back and forth. In this act of making love everything appears, everything is birth in reality, at any given moment.

Let’s take a look at the two poles: positive and negative, where the positive would be the masculine aspect, and the negative would be the feminine aspect.

+ is the one that “inseminate”, the one that carry the seed for movement toward the – pole.
The – is the one that is receiving (or inviting) the seed, nurturing, bringing into manifestation by giving substance to the something that was only an idea.

As we look now at our world, we see that the ones that display the feminine aspect (mostly women) are reducing themselves to birthing and nurturing only children, and all the others creative abilities are laid aside. Creative abilities are beyond mind, residing mainly in imagination. Imagination is the womb of creation: something imagined is brought/nurtured in reality, a physical or non-physical reality.

When and why the feminine aspect gave up their ability and responsibility to create?

Remember: all the movement between poles in the field of love equals making love to bring everything in manifestation.

If you look around and see something else than love in expression you can understand what happened.

Somewhere appeared a twisted / perverted perception that showed us that creation could be something different than love in movement.

This burden was took by feminine aspect that felt responsible for mis-creation, for creation in general. And then she laid down, giving up her power.

But how the story goes? Without movement there is nothing but potentials waiting to be expressed.

Her partner, her lover took on an unusual role: to go on with creation, allowing feminine aspect to carry all the burdens, out of compassion. That’s how feminine aspect experience guilt, shame, fear for creation
Masculine side has different abilities than feminine: control vs. allow, mind vs. imagination etc.

Fear and guilt creates wounds that brake open for illness. Is like an invitation. Where is invitation something should appear to balance the situation.

Abuse and feeding off others entered the stage. As if was needed to steal something from the other for your own survival, because the source is suppose to be outside, and has to be taken by force (is not within anymore (or is laid down)).
------------------------------------------
How is it when someone steals energy from you. …..
We, as humans, took on a certain aspect to embody in a lifetime, and the other is as a potential- for finding resolution . ….


Feminine aspect still carries fear guilt and shame while continuing being abused. For it wouldn’t be possible to be drain completely, fem aspect developed her own ways of feeding off of others, abusing others in a hidden way: seducing, blaming, playing victim.
So, this virus of ASE appeared when joy and wonder for creation disappeared. Its food is joy and sense of fulfillment, so it’ll be there where joy is, ready to steal it to make it’s way into the “system” producing the illness, leaving behind guilt, fear, shame, a sense of being abused, a being a victim.


A victim is so drained of joy and fulfillment then starts to seek in others to find its joy and purpose. By doing this, all that a victim is doing is to grow this illness even more.
All the joy is feeding the virus, because the victim cannot take the joy in pure form, due to the guilt and shame. The victim is feeding itself in a perverted way, thru pain and suffering, and carrying the burdens for others in order to save them. (trying to save others is another form of stealing energy and disempowerment, but is done under the disguise of responsibility for others. (Who should be responsible for the savior?))
Ultimately, the victim drains all around it, hosting the grown of that illness, abusing while continuing being victimized.

Some find themselves with this disease early in their life, experienced the abuse to its extreme as physical sexual abuse. The most insidious form is not physical, is psychic and is the common way that we were raised, and we continued the tradition with our children just to find ourselves all in a big unhappy life.
To blame others and ourselves for that does not bring resolution, nor to be in shame or guilt: that is just continuing the cycle. To be able to see is the first step, to accept what is (or who you are) is next, and to love yourself as you are really bring resolution.
To be ready to love without condition is the real solution, as is reversing the process: the illness begun with judgment of our own expression. Fighting the illness (any illness) only reinforced it, as one cannot fight something without making it real-when you fight against something, you just give it substance.
Acceptance of what is like moving up one level, where one can clearly see the game, and can let everything reach a different type of balance, based on a outside perspective, dismantling the spell that one fell into believe when inside the game.
This cannot be done in the mind, as the mind is the one that keep the game in play, is the tool used by the virus. The virus gave satisfaction to the mind – in fact all the satisfaction that is felt when ill is thru the mind, even in fear (as when you are in fear, you can be controlled to do or not do something- but is the mind that gives you reasons why). The virus uses the mind to steal energies by creating dramas to tell others, and drama is another way to get energy and attention from others, convincing them that you are right, pulling them into your story, taking energy from them to build the story even bigger (have you seen someone that is so attached to its story, that it doesn’t let go, that is rejecting any solution? All that want is to build the story even bigger and more dramatic so it could get more and more energy from others?).
When I say “ accept what is” and “accept who you are as you are” the mind goes crazy, and want to start the fight: you cannot accept such a thing! You should DO something to CHANGE that! The mind will try to be in control and to FIX the mistake! WHAT A GAME!!


Pattern of relationships

Is interesting to note that one person could find itself in the same relational pattern, even is the partner is changed. One decides that is had enough, and get out of a relationship, just to find itself in a similar one, victim again. On the other hand, if is not leaving, is left- victim again.

A human being has both masculine and feminine energies, in varying degree. A balanced human being would have those energies in equilibrium. As a whole, a relationship is always in balance, but inside could be a war: one part is abusing, the other is abused-in a particular field, while the role is changing in other field.
We are putting ourselves in situations that play out our inner game of masculine and feminine, and leaving (or staying) a relationship does not change the pattern.


Twisted ways of bringing in energies

-conditional love
-control over someone else
-fear
-guilt
-shame
-anger
-frustration
When someone cannot bring in the joy in pure form, then it has to use twisted ways. These are twisted ways of making love with self, and is being played out in relation with the ones in the outer world.

Going back to self helps bring the resolution, as the ultimate love is for self. Inner balance of masc. and fem inside bring the experience of joy, the inner orgasm that would be reflected outward in joyful and fulfilling interactions with others, moving one out of duality, in a expanded, different type of energy that we could have a shadow taste only in orgasm.

Ways of going beyond the virus

Love for self- there are some ancient ways used for openly love you.
One of these is to literally make love with yourself, as you are the ultimate lover, the perfect and sufficient lover for yourself.
Accepting yourself and your reality is another tool, as we have seen that helps dismantling the spell- can help to gain a clear perspective over a situation. Moreover, move one thru all its guilt and shame for self. Do not fear to accept yourself so deeply so you accept your fears, guilt, shame, stupidity, and all the others nice attributes that you carry for you. Who says you is stupid? And why would someone tell you that you are inappropriate? You know why! To steal your energy-and you are ready to be stolen. Then you feel low because you opened a cut within that bleeds your energy at the moment you buy into that/or start fight with it. Be stupid!! Is soo good!!

Another tool is to breathe! When you breath, your mind is by-passed, you are in the Now.
Mind is always moving back and forth between past and future. It cannot stay in the Now. It keeps you out of yourself, in your head.
The Now is like when – and + are meeting, the cosmic orgasm of self. Is the only moment where something can happen if you are present. When + and – meet, the universe doesn’t explode. Is expanding beyond is own limits, it’s get out of the rut, allowing unknown possibilities to came in.

All of us have been playing by now back and forth between – and +, bringing everything into reality, and ultimately into matter. However, this game brought us to a stand still. How much can you move back and forth without resolution? And why would you move back and forth without orgasm?
Therefore, we are here to bring resolution, and to find the ultimate orgasm. To find the 0 point within. That when your energies go from çè to <-^^->. Is happening within first and then it starts to be reflected in ones reality and in the way one relate to others.

Way of giving power away

Blame other!!

Then YOU gave your power to another. When you take responsibility for everything happening in your life, you bring your power back, and you can accept yourself fully.
No wonder that if you gave your power, someone or something (institutions) will be there to take it!
This is how we continue to grow this illness: we blame someone else and we can be happy in a twisted way!



Joy of creation

The joy for creation is the child within. At some point we chose to see our creation as wrong, we judged it, and the child left with the joy, and in that space the illness begun, we allowed space for disease as we judged the outcome of ourselves.

The child was always here, waiting to be accepted, acknowledged, put in its own rights as the nucleus of each one of us. Is the embodied joy and orgasm and it had to leave, as it could not stand the abuse in form of judgment, control, conditional love, restrictions and agendas.


If you refrain yourself from joyful creations you will refrain yourself from orgasm.

Look at what is happening now with women!